I Wish I Wanted To Change

I wish I wanted to change. But I don’t. Right now there are dishes from the weekend piled in the sink. There are magazines and wedding invitation samples strewn about the coffee table and there is some red sauce crusted on the countertop by the stove. I don’t remember having eaten red sauce recently. A weeks worth of laundry is piled in the corner of the floor of our bedroom. And our duvet cover is basically campaigning to turn in to a golden retriever, it’s so covered in dog hair.

And I just don’t care.

Einstein Quote

I often wonder if one day the desire will be cleaner will strike me. I consider that this might be the exact day, the exact moment, that I become a real grown up. But what happens if that moment never comes? I realize that I might be destined to spend my life as a slob.

Luckily, I’m not alone in this. Each time we go over to friends houses we are stunned at how seemingly effortlessly others are able to keep their homes in order. If friends come over to our house, we need a solid hours notice to make it look almost presentable. And then, because I’m such a joy to live with, I act like I haven’t been the primary contributor to the disaster that is our home, while I run around frantically cleaning.

We didn’t grow up this way. Neither of us were raised in messy homes. So I have no idea how we’ve become the way we are. But more importantly, I don’t know why it doesn’t bother us.

I worry what this says about us. I often wonder if everyone else lives in secret slobbery until guests come over. I wonder if it’s just because creative people thrive in clutter. We are thriving. So maybe we are those people. Are you?

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  • I always think the same thing when we go over to friends’ houses. They always seem super neat, clean, and put together, while at our house we have papers/socks/power cords/countless random objects lying around on basically every surface. I also feel like there’s always an extraordinary amount of cat hair/sand/paw prints all over everything, which is probably true because we’re the only ones of all our friends who have pets. The thing is, we both do like a clean house, so I don’t know why it always feels so messy. Truthfully, it’s probably because neither of us has time or is ever home to clean up.

    • Pets are definitely a game changer in terms of cleanliness. Our dog is also guilty of carrying our laundry around and leaving it around the house. It is not abnormal to find a random sock or dirty t-shirt on the kitchen floor.

  • I never, ever get more cleaning done that in the 20 minutes before someone comes to visit 😉

    • LOL Right? I’m SO productive in that 20 minutes.

  • I feel the same way!!! I go to over to my sister’s house and always wonder how she is so clean and I’m so messy. I guess that’s the price to pay to be a creative person.

    • I feel like I wish that the messier I was, the more creative I was. I’m super super messy and I’d only consider myself mildly creative (in spurts).

  • I’m one who needs clutter as a distraction so I can focus on what I’m doing. Always have been. 🙂 Generally I try and keep it the craft room/den so the house is sort of ready for guests, but my friends know this about me and don’t really care.

    You’re not alone.

    • See if I need to focus, I do the opposite. If I’m procrastinating, I’ll clean the whole house. All of the sudden the mess that used to not bother me really really bothers me.

  • Oh gosh, I am the exact same. I live with my friend whose room is ALWAYS so TIDY. I forever compare mine to hers because mine is a cluttered mess, but I’ certain that it needs to be cluttered, because if I put it there for a reason, I know where to find it again!

    Laura | elelibee

    • My roommate (lol, my fiance) is equally is messy as I am and is not bothered by us being slobs. I almost wish he was clean so I’d have something to aspire to!

  • OH, I totally live in secret slobbery. In on the secret is the little girl from next door who pops by on Saturday mornings to play with my daughter. It will be like 11AM, the house is a DISASTER zone and we’re still in PJ’s and have *maybe* eaten breakfast.

    I do want to change, The mess actually does bother me. I just don’t want to actually do the work to make the change. I’d prefer to wave my magic wand and have a clean house, but APPARENTLY there are no magic wands in adulthood.

    • Oh how I wish for that magic wand! I feel like everyone has a couple people that they wouldn’t feel the need to clean up for. N has one friend who I know is very messy himself and when he comes over, I dont’ freak out over our mess. But if my grandmother came over, pssh I’d need 6 hours to make it spotless.

  • I’m on the same boat. I used to think it was mostly time that kept me from keeping things clean, but now I have more free time and things still aren’t a whole lot cleaner. There’s always something better to do by the time I get around to cleaning. Maybe it’s an inherited trait because my mom always said she liked houses that look “lived in” better than the extra tidy ones.

    • There is no way that I could even pretend that time is an issue. We have so much time. I will say that I agree with your Mom. Even when our house is clean, it looks a little lived in. I like that about it.

  • I am the same way. The breakfast table is a mail sorting station, my coffee table is my desk and even though I vacuum constantly, Riley sheds enough dog hair to knit sweaters!

    • I’ve frequently wondered if anyone has ever made a sweater from dog hair. It seems entirely possible based on the tumbleweeds of the stuff that roll across our floor.

  • I’m a bit of a clutter bug and so are my closest friends so I’ve never felt weird about it. Until I started blogging and “saw” everyone’s perfectly immaculate and styled houses and realized everything mine wasn’t. That being said, I still don’t feel like becoming a super neat person.

    • I pretend that no one’s house actually looks like how it looks when they show their home on their blog. It’s just not possible for everything to be so clean and so white.

  • From reading your blog, I imagined that you would be very tidy! I guess that’s a compliment? (Coming to you directly from another slob, who would take such a thing as a compliment) I swear I could spend half of a perfectly good Saturday cleaning and the house is a mess again by the time we come home on Monday. It does bother me, but I guess not enough to do anything drastic to change it 🙂

    • Well hey, I’m glad I’m pulling off seeming like a tidy person. I wish that it did bother me and I don’t know how I’ll ever get to the point that it does. I’ve heard babies do that to your brain – make you want to be clean and nest and all of that. Maybe then?

  • You should see my room. It’ll make you feel like the cleanest person ever. People have come by when our room is a disaster and said, “oh you guys cleaned!”

    • Living with a fellow slob makes it so much worse! Because if N actually cared that our house was a disaster, maybe I’d change. But instead, we’re destined to live in our disaster every day until forever.

  • Oy vey I really can’t have guests in my apartment with at least 24 hours notice! Hahaha Constabt state of disarray over here. Honestly I find myself wishing I could have one of those perfectly put together a houses sometimes but I have no idea how I would maintain that on a day to day basis. Seems far more st

    • **stressful!

    • I don’t either. Mehhhh if you ever figure it out, let me know. I always feel like maybe I’ll clean it and then we’ll maintain it but then that doesn’t happen.

  • LIza

    My boyfriend and I are the same way. We had Monday off due to the snow and spent the whole day cleaning. The amount of dust and hair and grime, and food stuck to the stove… it was disgusting. We threw out 7 garbage bags of crap. No idea where it all came from. It all just slowly accumulates until it’s out of control. And like you, we didn’t have messy/dirty houses growing up. Apparently we’re just not mature enough to live on our own and take care of ourselves? When it gets bad like that, like how yours sounds, I always wonder: What if something happened to me and my family/ friends had to come into my apartment? They’d be absolutely horrified.

    • I wonder the same thing! Before I leave for a trip, I like to make sure the house is spotless for that exact reason. Although I also always think I’m going to die when I get on an airplane so that’s part of why I clean up – just in case it happens.

  • I really can relate to this… except I was raised in a “cluttered” home. My husband, however, was not. He had a SAHM who did basically everything for him right up to the day we married. So now the dilemma is that he wants it to be clean all the time, neither of us wants to do it, and I could really care less. But to appease each other, we both do a little each day. Him – laundry, me – cooking/kitchen duties. It helps keep the majority of the clutter down and we save the bigger things till the weekend. All of this to say – I think it’s perfectly fine to have a cluttered home!

    • Dividing up the duties really helped us initially. When we moved in together we made an agreement that I would do all the laundry and he would do all the dishes. But somehow over time, if he leaves the dishes in the sink during the week, then I don’t feel pressure to do laundry. So we wind up with piles of laundry and a sink full of dishes and since neither of us is doing our chores, we don’t feel bad about it.

  • Rebecca

    I’m a messy house person too. I’m always scrambling to clean before people come over! Sometimes I think I invite people over just so I’ll have to clean. And… Most of my friends think my house is clean… if they only knew! Haha.

    • Totally! Since we moved to the city though, it’s been more common for our friends to just swing by with like, zero notice. When they buzz the buzzer, I freak out and have been known to put dirty dishes in kitchen cabinets.

  • I WISH I could live in slovenly bliss. I care. I care way too much. And that’s why my house is always clean and my poor husband has to listen to me telling him for the millionth time to take his shoes upstairs.

    • And I wish I could want to be clean! Isn’t it funny how we’re all wired so differently?

  • I have spurts of motivation to clean. Normally, they occur when I have something I actually need to do. Otherwise, the grey and white car hair covers every dark surface in this house.

    • That’s exactly when my cleaning gets done too. It means I’m procrastinating for something else that I’d rather do less than clean.

  • I’m not sure when it happened, but I went from not caring to “OH MY GOD THIS IS A DISASTER I HAVE TO CLEAN EVERYTHING” at some point. I can leave dishes in the sink for 24 hours, but it still gives me hives. Nothing wrong with being a little messy – there’s a difference between messy and dirty!

    • I fear we may be both messy and dirty, on occasion. I’ve heard that when women are pregnant they get all in to nesting and making sure things are clean and ready. Maybe that will happen to me someday?

  • I feel you on this one. My mom keeps a practically spotless house…and I just don’t have it in. Sure there are times when I get it spotless – but with two kids and a dog it lasts all of about 20 minutes – so I give up!! There are about 5 loads of laundry on the couch that need to be folded!

    • Oh gosh, I can’t imagine how bad it will be when we have kids in the house someday.

  • My somewhat-secret shame is that we live in a neighborhood of townhouses and I’m kind of afraid to get too friendly with anyone, lest they think it would be a good idea to drop by unannounced!

    • That’s our exact problem since we moved to the city. Friends stop by unannounced and I completely freak. I have about 45 seconds from when they buzz the bell until they are at the door and I’ve been known to do the worst version of cleaning up EVER.

  • I like me and I am somewhat lazy and somewhat organised and somewhat sane most of the time

    • Hey, if it’s working for you, that works! Our messiness is okay until someone comes over.

  • There are probably more people like this out there than we realize. I don’t like the mess, but life happens…so I invite people over as a way to force myself to clean 🙂

    • Our friends frequently drop by unannounced, since we moved to the city and are now just blocks from each other. We should just pretend like anyone could stop by at any time and live accordingly but we just don’t.

  • I AM THE SAME WAY. I am moving into my fiance’s house at the end of hte month, and he is a neat freak. My apartment, more often than not, looks like a bomb hit it. But I have no problem helping my fiance clean his house. Weird?!?

    I have found that if I pretend my apartment is someone else’s, it helps me want to clean. I am super helpful to other people and love to be clean for other people, but since I live alone (for now), I let my stuff go to hell. And now that I’m moving? OMG the piles. I’m totally a mess.

    This blog post spoke to my heart today. THANK YOU for keeping it real.

  • We’re right there with y’all, girl! I read an interview on Cupcakes + Cashmere earlier this month that they’ve made it a steady habit to keep their house always 10 minutes away from being guest ready. I added it to my FEB goals, so we’ll see how that goes! I should probably clean up the stacks of dishes from my kitchen + half of our closet that is layered on our dining room chairs + all of my paper, ink and paint brushes that are in our living room. My soon-to-be in laws like to make surprise appearances so the struggle is very real. Number one housewife material over here for sure! Hahah P.S. There’s nothing wrong with you guys because if there is then there’s definitely something wrong with us, too. 🙂

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