Thoughts While Chaperoning A High School Dance

 

I frequently attend high school dances. I know. What? Why?! Oh you know, just work stuff. While I’m not technically a chaperone, I kind of feel like one. And sometimes get called Mrs. [insert my last name here]. Then I freak out a little inside because hello, I am still MISS so let’s not jump the gun. Since I had the pleasure of attending not one but two this weekend, here are some thoughts I jotted down on the state of America’s youth.

high school dance

Are Nike running shorts a fashion statement? I didn’t get the memo.

I did get the memo on patterned leggings but just like the college kids, they’re wearing them as pants. Smh.

The beginnings of dances are always awkward. They’re all scattered around the edges of the room in little groups. But wait, there’s hope. Some confident girls are making their way to the middle, half-jokingly shaking it. It’s all downhill from here…

30 Minutes later

Watching a girl bent over moving against a guy who is holding her hips and basically dry humping her. No not basically, actually. Oh dear god , I feel like a perve. Make. It. Stop. Please tell me I didn’t do that. I totally did. 

This is happening literally 20 feet from a girl holding a life-size plastic baby doll. She finishes “burping” it, puts it back in its car seat (yes, a real car seat), and heads back out to the dance floor to get her grind on. Effective home economics, right there. Do they still even teach home ec?

Damn my feet hurt. Thank god wearing gel inserts in my shoes.

YES, Cotten Eyed Joe came on. Something to break up all the dry humping. It looks so fun. I wonder if there is a tutorial on YouTube.

Is there a grosser smell than sweaty teenagers? I think not. Oh wait, it’s sweaty teenagers who doused themselves in a pound of Abercrombie cologne before leaving the house.

All these girls have super long, thick hair. I feel bald.

The music is too loud. I’ll need hearing aids by 35, I just know it.

Kids that just walked by: “god, I hate everybody”. I feel you, kid. If you need a good “it gets better” talk, let me know.

Fellow chaperones: It’s not the jeans that are giving you the mom jeans look. It’s the fact that you are wearing sneakers with them. *looks down at sneakers, is also wearing them with jeans* SHIT. Whatever, if Taylor Swift can wear Keds, so can I.

There are way more songs that have dances that go with them then I remember. Must learn how to “wobble” and “wop”.

Don’t Stop Believin’ just came on. Oh THANK GOD, they all know the words too. There’s hope!

These girls sure get creative with where they put their iPhones while dancing. Tucked into the waistband of their leggings? Better than in their cleavage. I call that a win.

Is it me or is there something weirdly sexual about the limbo? The girl who won just defied gravity and, I’m fairly sure, made every guy in the room raise his eyebrows. Weird…ew…stop thinking about it.

It’s raining really hard outside. I hope they all get home okay. <– Mom thoughts

You know, when I think about it, they’re doing all the same stuff I did in high school. They are figuring out who they are. It’s awkward and sad and scary and beautiful, all at once. My hats off to America’s high school teachers. I don’t know how you do it.

In honor of these quirky kids, here’s one of their favorites. You can get your grind on with your desk chair at work. Happy Monday.

 

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  • At the last two parties that I’ve been to and watched people dance, I’ve been SHOCKED at how many choreographed songs EVERYONE knows. God I’m old.

  • High school was such a dark time for me lol

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  • I’m pretty sure that the only choreographed songs I know are the Electric Slide and the YMCA. This dance seemed way LESS awkward than all of my middle school dances where slow dances occurred with a foot or more between the guy and the girl.

  • I’ve done a ton of jr. high dances, but never high school. A couple of the youth I worked with when they were freshman were all “OMG YOU HAVE TO CHAPERONE OUR DANCE AT SCHOOL” and I was all “Um… you don’t want your youth minister there. I promise.” It’s a good thing I remember my high school dances. Although I was the nerd who didn’t let guys dry hump me. That crowd was always in the middle of the dance floor and my friends I just just stayed out to the sides. Yup. I was a nerd.

  • Haha oh my goodness, this is wonderful.

  • I was fervently nodding along throughout the entire post. I can’t believe I did all those things (or variations of) and it makes me almost shudder with embarrassment now. Also makes me laugh and roll my eyes. Middle school..ugh.

  • Samantha

    I’m totally jealous; that has to be so entertaining. And so liberating because you don’t care what people think of you as opposed to being in that room back in the day!

  • OK, can I just say this post is kind of amazing! So many memories. LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS! How many times do teenagers need to be told this? Apparently one more time… As weird as some of it sounds like it was, it must be pretty interesting to watch high-schoolers from the outside – strange and interesting 🙂

  • I wince every time my brain rewinds to that time. I physically hurt.

  • Absolutely shameful how I acted in high school. What perspective ten years brings…! Geesh! I am mortified just thinking about all the stunts I pulled! I would want to kill my daughter! My poor mom!

    -Kate
    http://www.theflorkens.com

  • Jen Z

    You just made my day! 😀

  • Good grief I feel old now… Oh, wait, that was a give away when I said: “Good grief!”
    Got my grind up to Gas Pedal though, so thank you 😉
    Much love, Bailey from Vanilla Blonde

    • It’s a pluseare to find someone who can identify the issues so clearly

  • You are a brave soul.

  • erin

    this made me happy, and i’m having a really shitty day, so thank you! i love reading about your prespective on things, keep it up! 🙂

  • Bless your heart! I wonder if they actually know who sings Don’t Stop Believin’…

  • I used to work with teenagers. It was so tough. And so awesome.

    I’m really glad I never had to chaperone a dance, though.

    • Look at her in her little blue dress! I love the one where’s she’s strttuing along with her Olivia and the blue background. Fabulous. The Pier is an inspired location for a shoot. XOXO to Ella and pretty mama!

  • Teenagers annoy me more than I ever could have imagined so I don’t know how you were able to last the duration of an entire high school dance.

  • OMG! Too funny. Brought back so many flashbacks of high school. I was totally one of the first girls on the floor dancing with friends. The grinding begins….ssssllloooowwwly backs into corner. No thank you.

    • That hits the target perytcelf. Thanks!

  • High school dances, huh? Wow. Can’t remember the last time I went to a DANCE. My high school wasn’t really into them, especially when I changed to a different school district (which made me sad because those dances were fun). But I definitely understand the weird internal back and forth between inner teen and outer adult.

  • Ella definitely takes over when she enerts a room!! I love all of the different poses of her 2nd Birthday photo shoot! Her blue eyes are beautiful just like the rest of her!! Happy Birthday 2nd Birthday Miss Ella! You have so much to look forward to in life!!

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