GET ON YOUR SIDE! and other things no one tells you about relationships



I’ve had terrible insomnia lately. I can’t get comfortable and I just lay in bed and read for hours after N has gone to sleep. And that’s when it starts, the boys creeping on to my side of the bed. One stretch, one or two re-adjustments and suddenly I’ve got 1/6 of the bed space and getting comfortable is out of the question.

No one tells you that someday you’ll hit a point in your relationship where sure, you’ll cuddle occasionally, but mostly when you are trying to get some much-needed shut-eye you’ll just want your partner to STAY ON THEIR SIDE OF THE DAMN BED.

Obviously I refuse to move either Archie or N because I love them too much, so naturally I sleep (or attempt to sleep) like a contortionist.

Golden Retriever Snuggles
Two Boys. Zero respect for personal space.

This was one of the things that no one ever told me about relationships. Because I want to be fair about this, I’ve let N (the live-in boyfriend/life partner/dog father) write half of this post.

What no one told us about long-term relationships:

HIS

That you would make me be a part of blog posts.

Your personal hobbies become secondary to spending time with the other person. (Me: You didn’t think that would happen? – Him: I didn’t think it would happen to the extent that it has.)

We eat out a lot more than I thought we would because it’s an excuse to do something together.

That three years in, you’d still hate the way I drive. And tell me every single time.

We’ve slowly developed the same habits and lifestyle. A partnership, I guess.

tami taylor gif

I would say that when you’re with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you slowly realize the type of person you are in a relationship. I’m more touchy feely than I realized.

You pick up small things that your significant other does that you would never notice in another person. You get a read on them faster.

If you are subtle, you can slowly get your significant other to like the same stuff you like. Like tech stuff and sci-fi movies. Subtle is key.

I had no idea how many electronics a girl could have in a bathroom. (apparently in man speak, straighteners/curling irons/blow dryers are electronics)

scrubs gif

HERS

I never thought I would wear my retainer in front of a guy. I’m wearing my retainer while I type this and N rocks a bite guard ever night. Sexy.

This might sound weird but we fight less than I thought people in relationships fight. Maybe that’s based on my past relationships (i.e. not that good)?

I didn’t think about the fact that having a boyfriend who is also my roommate means we have to deal with roommate stuff too. Emptying the dishwasher is now a romantic gesture.

coach taylor gif

I didn’t realize how hard integrating finances would be. To this day, we still haven’t figured it out. I do most of the grocery shopping, he pays when we eat out. We’ve thought about getting a joint checking and just dumping all the money in one place but it just doesn’t make sense for us yet. How do other couples integrate finances?

We go to bed differently, which is an ongoing issue. Who knew that how we fall asleep could be a relationship issue? I like to read for a good long while before falling asleep. He would rather have complete darkness and silence. I used to be a TV before bed person and I’ve weaned myself off of it. My reading light still bothers him. One of these days he is going to buy me a Kindle Paperwhite just to selfishly solve this problem.

Some part of me realizes that if I’m a sucky girlfriend today (hey, I have my moments) that I’ve got a lifetime to try to be better. I should try harder every single day but something about the long-term commitment can make me lazy.

We actually high 5 about a lot of stupid stuff. Cleaned out our cars? High 5. Got quarters to do laundry? High 5. Still like each other after 3 years? High 5.

lily and marshall high five

Somewhere along the way, I started reminding N that he’s my favorite person in the world. I probably tell him that more than I say I love you but I think it’s a good reminder. We also tell each other “I like you” in silly voices. Speaking of silly voices…

We have way more inside jokes than I ever thought two humans could have. Silly voices, phone call routines, and a million other things we’d never do in front of anyone else. It’s pretty fun.

That pretty much sums it up. It’s damn fun. We don’t have it all figured out. We probably never will. I never want to make my relationship seem perfect (it isn’t). But it’s pretty damn good.

Cool double chin, Nadine.
Cool double chin, Nadine.

In other news, it might be obvious from this post that we’re on a Friday Night Lights kick. I sure do love N, but he’s lucky Tim Riggins is a fictional character…

What did no one tell you about long-term relationships? 

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  • honestly, this is genius. living with someone else and integrating two distinct lifestyles and sets of habits and bedtimes and mealtimes is complicated. you guys are so cute though, and you did such a good job of talking about like, the mundane stuff that no one thinks to think about before making the big move-in decision.

  • Meghan @ Chasing Elephants

    Aww, yay I love this post. I can pretty much relate to all of this! I started telling my bf that he is my best friend and that we have a great thing going on. We have lots of lil inside jokes and couple type stuff that we do too. You pretty much hit the nail on the head or is it head on the nail? Either way I loved this!

  • So okay, this post is adorable.. And actually sort of eye opening. Also, I’m so, so glad that you brought up that you fight less than you thought you would! I think sometimes people think that’s something that comes with a relationship, but I don’t see why it has to be. Problems can be solved other ways other than “fighting”! So I loved that you brought that up.. And also, you two.. CUTE.

  • Z

    I think no one ever told me how much you’d learn about dudes (if that’s who you’re in a relationship, that is). There’s so many random things I’ve learned about boys in general from my boyfriend. On the flip side, he never realized that girl roommates occasionally talk about their poops to each other. (Hey, I didn’t say it would be GOOD things.)

  • After 10 years of dating, 1.5 of being married and 4 with a dog. I finally told my husband we need a Cal King of this marriage is going to end in divorce. I feel your pain! Yet I still find my body contorting around my pup because I love him too much to kick him out of bed.
    And that finance thing, yeah we still don;t have it down. Nothing is joint and we have a baby on the way. This is going to get interesting!

  • Love that Zach Braff gif… hilarious!

  • lmao I love this! The amount of inside jokes is actually ridiculous.

  • We didn’t combine our finances until we had to deposit all of the wedding gift checks. And your relationships reaches a new level when you high-five each other after a particularly good round of sex.

  • Super cute post! I love that you are so down to earth and relateable. I also think that most men are lucky that Tim Riggins is a fictional character.

  • You guys are seriously gaggably cute. But I’m sorry, Archie take the gold in the cute department, despite (or because) of his bedhogging ways.

  • Ben and I are getting married in six months and have NO idea how we are going to handle our finances. Honestly, it’s a difficult thing for a LOT of people. I’m sure we will figure it out. When we go to the grocery store, Ben gets things he wants and I get things I need for work/want. And we have yet to discuss what we are going to do once we’re married. Also, the bed issue- don’t even get me started! The words “stop messing up the covers!” and “you’re on my side!” are nightly arguments. You are not alone, sista.

  • I can relate to most of these too. I also am in a relationship where we don’t fight much at all. People have said that means that we lack passion, but I call B.S. on that. We just think of each other as team mates and partners. I never thought that we’d get to a place where we fart in front of each other though, but we do, and it’s fine.

  • Tim Riggins!! YES! Friday Night Lights is one of Robbie and my favorite TV obsessions! And I love how much fun you and N (and Archie) seem to have! Relationships aren’t always perfect or easy but they should be rooted in fun! 🙂

  • Ugh…. Derek isn’t bad about getting on my side but he is a serial cover-stealer! Also, you learn that even though you may have thought you weren’t picky about the way your clothes are folded, you actually are. I end up having to unfold and re fold my shirts if Derek ever does laundry.

  • 1. These are all SO true.

    2. Tim Riggins for life.

  • These are great points, I love Nashville, and it reminded me that I am very, VERY single.

  • I love this post! Poor John didn’t know what he was getting himself into with me, I am a huge bed hog! I don’t know how I manage to push him to the very edge of the bed but I do. We also have a lot of inside jokes and funny ways of doing things.

  • This is a hilarious but cute post. Sounds like you have a good relationship going 🙂

  • It’s so true that living together you develop all these weird rituals. I know that I’m so happy that I know my husband like no one else does. I love how one little random thing can turn into a recurring joke or whatever-just for us. No one told me that the way Dave gets out of the shower would annoy me…..WHY DON’T YOU DRY YOUR BACK BEFORE PUTTING ON A SHIRT? It makes me cringe every single day.

  • This is sweet! My husband and I dated for five years (and lived together for four) before we got married in 2010. Now we have a six month old and it’s just crazy to think back on our relationship through the years. We have always had seperate checking accounts, but we have a joint savings account and an account for our son. I pay for daycare, groceries, and insurance. He pays our mortgage, restaurant tabs, electric bill, and internet bill. It’s a pretty good system, actually. We each pay for our own gas and whatever little things we may want. We split up stuff for our son, I usally buy his clothes and he usually buys toys. We may re-evaluate one day and combine our checking accounts, but I’m happy with how we do things now.

  • I love this post! It’s so funny how you learn all these things once you start living with someone. I learned that my bf HATES the top sheet on beds. He doesn’t get what it is used for so he just kicks it off the bed (which then means I can’t use it either!). We don’t have joint finances but we try to split our grocery shopping. He doesn’t mind coming with me so we just try to split the groceries pretty evenly then both pay separately! It works pretty well so far.

  • OK, I just have to say this was ADORABLE! I got married almost two years ago now and can honestly say my husband and I could relate to about 95% of what you guys listed. Oh, and your struggling with maintaing your bed space? That is my life on a nightly basis! However, after two years of marriage I know just give him a big shove and tell him to get on his side. I think marriage has made me a little mean…. 😉

  • Aww! I loved this post! I kept being like “oh my gosh me too!” on so many of these (both the his and hers).

  • I so get this post there are many things we don’t think about when we start a relationship like as you said at night stay on your own side of the bed and stop being annoying because what was once cute and loving is now annoying……………lol

  • My Lawd. Tim Riggins.

  • some things i never expected was how little adjustment there was to sharing a bed! i was so nervous about that! luckily my husband is a deep sleeper!

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  • I always love his and her posts. And yes. That side of the bed thing, man. I’m considering buying a bigger bed, but it probably wouldn’t help. Never would I have ever thought he was going to be the cuddly one, usually it’s me. I’m definitely not at that sharing finances point in life yet, but it’s something I would definitely be interested in reading more about how people make it happen (I’m a curious person, what can I say). Also, it makes me smile that you guys legit high five. That’s awesome.

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