The REAL Skinny Jeans

Before skinny jeans, there were skinny jeans. 

These jeans had absolutely nothing to do with the actual cut of the jeans. Skinny jeans were the jeans you could only only wear on your skinniest day. 

I have about three pairs of pants that I just can’t wear. 

One pair I haven’t worn in at least 5 years. Another did not even belong to me, but was a hand-me-down from my itty bitty college roommate. The last was a desperate Goodwill purchase as “inspiration.” Note to self: This type of “inspiration” will never work. Ever. And you’ll have less room in your drawers for clothes that actually do fit.


I will probably (still holding out hope) never wear any of these pants.

The pants are all used about twice a year for measuring purposes. I wait for the day when I’ve worked out two days in a row, get real gutsy, and slide on a pair. 

Do they still fit? If yes, I take them off, and put them back in the drawer. And this…


If no, I huff and puff, take them off, and put them back in the drawer. And this…


Then I tell Naveed that I’m going on a diet where I eat healthy, actually get the proper nutrition and enjoy a salad at least once a day. He nods his head and tells me I’m beautiful no matter what. I throw a fit that he has to say that. 

Then later we get pizza. 


I’m pretty sure every woman has some article of clothing like this. What’s yours?

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  • So true. Just wait til they actually fit for real! I had a pair from hs that I hadn’t worn in 4 years and then one day while I was packing I decided what the hell and tried them on. They fit! Cue ecstatic scream

  • Also jeans. And the tshirts from college that I don’t understand how a tshirt can be so darn unforgiving. And apparently I can’t cry the weight off when I realize how fat I’ve gotten.

    On the bright side, your post made me recollect that jeans commercial. the wiggling on the bed one? remember? I can think of that happily as I was likely in middle school and not nearly as obsessed with my weight as I wore all nasty baggy clothes anyway.

  • Uhh. Yes. Unfortunately I still can’t even get into my “fat pants” yet since having a baby but it’s depressing.

  • Haha so true. I actually just got rid of all of my ‘fat jeans’ because I’m determined that I won’t need them ever again and I’ll only need my ‘skinny jeans’.

  • I still have jeans from high school, but they are bell-bottoms. I can’t wear them without laughing!

  • I have a few pairs of pants and a few dresses that I hold on to because “One day they will fit again!!!” I also had a bikini hanging in my pantry so I would have to see it every time I open the door to grab a snack. All I did was give it the middle finger and grab my tortilla chips and salsa 🙂

  • One time I bought some jeans that I knew were too tight at the store. They were really cute, so I bought them anyway. I would be so sad and mad at myself every time that I put them on, and I thought; “One day they will fit.” Now they have fit for about the past 3 years (and sadly are out of style), but I still keep them as a gauge for where I need to be!

  • YES. haha i love this. you’re so spot on. i have a pair of jeans and shorts just like this. if they fit i’m happy with life. if not it’s time for me to eat one last cheat meal and then go work out

  • I totally do the same thing, and it always makes me so miserable when I can’t get into jeans I’ve had since I was 16…. duh of course I won’t!

    I love your posts, they always really make me laugh. You inspired me to do my own ‘gif’ post on my blog on my life as a PhD student.

    http://www.convertednortherner.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/life-as-phd-student.html

    Victoria x

  • Hahaha this is completely the story of my life!
    xxoo,
    Jordyn

  • ha! They are good “measuring tools” I have a pair of jeans and shorts that I love but no longer squeeze into. Oh well!! I’ve become obsessed with others that do fit!

  • I have three black dresses that are on the top of my closet for “that day”!

    xx
    Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

  • AA

    I have jeans like this too! After I gained my freshman 15, I went on a fairly strict diet and lost like 25+ pounds and gleefully purchased the smallest pair of jeans I’ve ever owned. They only fit comfortably for a few months because I was below a weight I could realistically maintain, but I slide them on from time to time to make sure I’m not gaining too much. I wear them every so often but only with long, baggy tops because they are SUPER LOW (hey, I was 19!) and pretty snug.

  • haha Im dying right now, it is so true! And Emma Stone…my favorite person ever made it ten times funnier. I start of eating healthy at breakfast, and by 5 I am chowing down on the cupcakes my roommates made.

    <—Hailey Cheyanne—>

    http://haileycheyanne.blogspot.com/

  • Oh my goodness! This totally cracked me up. I’m with you on those two reactions to fitting or not fitting when you try those tester pants on yet again. Too funny! Following you now after seeing you on Life of Bon.

    Patterned Love

  • Ha! I have a whole stack of jeans that might fit into this, but really it’s a dress. The jeans would fit again and will fit again (15-25 lbs from now) but the dress in question? Not sure it will, I think the girls are just too big too cooperate. I really should just get rid of the dress…but I can’t.

    BTW I’ve totally done that dance when things fit right

  • Hahaha!! OMG this was hilarious!! And I love Emma Stone and all her quirkiness (word??) so that made it 100 times better!!

    Kristin
    http://www.hopelesslyeverafter.blogspot.com

    P.S. Having a giveaway today, so stop by!!

  • I had a pair of pink capris that I think were size 2 that I haven’t worn since 2003? 2004? that I kept as motivation or hope that I would be able to fit in them again. Finally decided to give them to Goodwill this year. The fact they still didn’t fit and I’m now 30 were what made me finally give in and donate them.

  • Love this! Couldn’t be more true. I still have so many pairs of jeans from high school that I keep around for that one day I’ll fit back into them. Then just get depressed when they don’t.

    Love that episode of Ellen where Emma Stone dances on everyone without them knowing.. And just Emma Stone in general

  • I totally have those jeans! And one dress with a zipper I like to use too!

  • I have a dress I LOVE that I would wear out when Ben and I first started dating and I was smaller. I refuse to get rid of it because ONE DAY it will fit again. Jeans, however, I don’t keep. They just piss me off. And how is there possibly any clothing you can’t fit into miss tiny!

  • Oh my! Yes, yes, yes! I also have a pair of jeans that I refuse to throw out. I wore them for as long as I could, telling myself that they’d shrunk in the washer, but one day I realized a muffin top was not flattering. Now I keep them around waiting for the time when I will fit back into them again, lol.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Between Friends Fashion

  • I have at least two jeans, one pair of shorts and two coats that fit the bill :/ Hoping that one day they will be wearable again… maybe its just wishful thinking.. But it is good to know you aren’t the only one that thinks like this.

  • Okay, so I am new to this blog world, but I came across your blog and hope you have a chance to read this. Your blog is awesome. I read through some of your entries and I love your personality (…and a big glass of wine myself). I am now following and cannot wait to read more! XO

  • I think we should all throw these pants in the garbage and just get on with it!!! But I have those kind of pants too and I can’t part with them. And a whole heck of a lot of actual skinny jeans even though I said I’d never buy them.

  • Oh my gosh!! I have jeans just like this. After my pregnancy, they were my measuring stick. I didn’t feel like I looked “normal” again until I could fit back in these pants!! Bad? Maybe….

  • hahah i love this! i just threw mine away, i was wasting closet space. there is no way i was EVER going to fit back into them, especially since i (finally) grew so they are too short now.

    ps emma makes the best faces ever.

  • I play this game with like every single thing in my closet. Is that normal? 😉

    XO,
    Samm
    http://www.dysfunctionaleverafter.com

  • This. I can relate, unfortunately. Especially the last part … pizza, always. Haha.

  • I also have at least 2 pairs of these jeans that I never wear, but keep in hopes that I will slide into them again one day.

  • I totally have pants like this too, but more common are my “short shorts” from the college days that are wayyyyyyy too short to be seen in public with nowadays. Like, I once those. Out of the house. With the hem a half inch below my butt cheek. Wtf?

  • Oh my goodness, I can’t tell you how many pairs of jeans/shorts/shirts/dresses I have that do not fit. I went through my closet not long ago and put all of the things that didn’t fit, but I still wanted to keep, into a box. It’s pretty much full. I have also bought things that never fit in the first place as motivation, that shit does not work!

  • I love these Gifs! Emma Stone is the greatest. I have a pair of shorts from high school that I keep forcing my ass into. I cannot give them up. I think the worst part is that I can manage to get into them, but they are CRAZAY uncomfortable. I don’t know why I torture myself.

  • I have those jeans. I also have formal dresses. I still have my freshman year of college formal dress from Anthro that cost too much to get rid of it, but I am not a size 4 anymore. But it is so pretty….

  • Mmmmhmmm. I was a size 0 on a fat day in college. Like, not the “I was skinny and proud of it” skinny. Like, I couldn’t put on weight skinny. And then I started the real world, the 20’s happened and I put on weight and it was a good thing. But……. there’s this great, super awesome pair of Lucky Brand jeans that I wore for those 6-10 months where I had gained just enough weight to constitute loving how skinny/ but not too skinny I was and I keep that pair of jeans. I try them on from time to time and they don’t really go over my butt…. Sigh. One day, maybe? But, same, then I go order myself a pizza. Haha!

  • hahaha yes! the original skinny jeans, so true. i’ve done the inspiration buy as well, and def have a pair i’ve never fit in but can’t bear to part with (they were expensive!). i couldn’t agree more though about using them as a gauge. so funny.

  • hahaha! I can totally relate! My hubby keeps asking me why I hold on to those “pairs” that I hope to fit into… men just don’t understand 😉 I LOVE this post!

  • Nope, I just squeeze into the pants anyways. Then wear a baggy shirt, that way it’s not too obvious that I’m smushing myself into them. 😛

  • The gifs. THE GIFS! The last one cracked me up!

    I have a pair of pants that I am holding onto for dear life, hoping they will one day fit again!

  • Stumbled upon your blog from A Mile in her Boots. Totally cracked me up so I started following along 🙂

    I definitely have 2 pair of jeans in the bottom of my stack/mountain of jeans that I’m fairly certain have never actually fit, but I try them on occasionally just to check. I even did a big closet purge last year and still hung onto them. Glad to see I’m not the only one!

    ps – your dog is too cute. I have a flat coated retriever (basically a black golden retriever) and she’s the bets. I’m obsessed.

    http://asimplysweetblog.blogspot.com

  • lol. YoU’ve inspired me to not eat anything till dinner so i can try on my skinny jeans that have been lying in the back of my closet for so long that they’re suffering from SAD.
    (you know, its the thing you get from not having seen the sun for too long. )

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