Why You Shouldn’t Make New Year’s Resolutions


It’s that time of year. Everyone is making New Year’s Resolutions. Here’s why I’m not and why you shouldn’t either.

Calvin and Hobbes - New Year's Resolutions

1. Statistically, 77 percent of people don’t achieve their New Year’s resolutions. 35% of people don’t even make it through January. By not making New Year’s Resolutions in the first place, you are saving yourself from the guilt and shame of being a part of those statistics.

2. January 1st is irrelevant. The date is completely irrelevant. Do you think the universe knows that it’s January 1st? Do you think the sun checks his planner before he decides to keep on shining? Do you think that the squirrel outside your apartment who tortures your dog knows it is January 1st? Nope. The date means nothing, so pick another one. Which leads me to my next point…

3. Why January? January is the month that 89% of Americans watch 73% more Netflix (completely made up statistics) and go in to a glorious hibernation complete with warm sugary beverages and lots of cuddling. January is not even close to an ideal time to decide to make major life changes. Can we have Spring resolutions instead? They’d make so much more sense. This is especially true for all weight loss goals. Let’s get our jog on in spring, mmkay? I’m not trying to break a hip by slipping on ice.

jogging is the worst

4. The fastest way to get discouraged on your weight loss resolution is to get to the gym and find that every single elliptical is taken. I worked at a gym and trust me, good freaking luck getting a machine on January 2nd. Do yourself a favor and wait until at least February when 35% of people have quit. Then you can walk right up to your machine and get your work out on.

5. Fat keeps you warm. It’s winter. You need that extra layer.

6. The sheer quantity of resolutions people make is absurd. If you had a to-do list on a regular day that was 15 items long, you’d probably be stressed out. So why would you make a list of 15 huge, life changing things and try to do them all at once? Makes. No. Sense. People rarely make just one resolution. But I bet if they did, they’d have a higher success rate.

7. Chances are, if you do make a New Year’s Resolution, it will be wildly unrealistic. If you insist on setting making one (yes, just one), consider basing it in reality and making it small, measurable, and achievable. Let’s get all corporate on you and just say, make it a SMART goal.

8. When the time is right to change your life, you’ll do it. I saw a squirrel get hit by a car (wow, two squirrel references in one post. too much? no? okay) on a random day in March and became a vegetarian. It was the sign I needed to make a change. When you see the sign or find the will-power, you’ll make the changes you want to make in your life, regardless of the date.

Calvin and Hobbes Winging It

So in 2014, I’m winging it.

Are you making New Year’s Resolutions? If so, why? If not, why?

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