The One Where We Move In Together

Thats right, folks. Me and this guy are taking the next step. We’ll be shacking up in November (leases suck). My lease is up in August and his is up in November and after that we’re searching for a place to call home, together.

What happens when no one is around to take your picture for you.

At that point we will have been together for about a year and a half. I’ve read that you are supposed to wait until the 2 year mark but I think it’s different for every couple. We’ve really thoroughly discussed if this is the right move for us and at the end of the day, it is. 

Still, here are some of my concerns:

+We’re both messy. Not filthy dirty. But we’re messy, leave our clothes everywhere, never do dishes the same day we use them, leave hair/skin/shaving/nail products all over the house, can never ever find our keys, kind of people. I’m worried we will live in a pig stye. This worry has merit. 
+The fan in the bathroom better be LOUD. I mean LOUD. Privacy, folks. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

+Finances. How do these work when you live together and aren’t married? Split the rent and then what? If I cook dinner every night, do I pay for groceries? Do we still get our own groceries? Confusion.

+SPACE. Sometimes I want to watch a Keeping up with the Kardashians marathon and not be judged. Meanwhile, he wants to play video games for 3 hours straight. We both know these times won’t always be at the same time, so we’ve got to give each other space. My solution to this: Man Cave. 

So I’ve got my concerns, but more than that, here’s the stuff I’m super excited about:

+He’s my favorite person! And he’ll be around, all the time!

+We’ll be able to act couple-y in any part of the house and won’t be annoying any roommates.

+We’ll be moving in to a house where we can get what I’ve been waiting for for several years now. A golden retriever puppy. Words cannot explain my excitement. Birthday gift, perhaps?

+We’ve already decided how we’re going to split our most hated responsibilities.
Him=Dishes. Her=Laundry. 
Okay, I’m not excited about this but I’m glad that we already came to a compromise.

+Decorating our house to make it our home. Let’s be real, my stuff is super girly. My idea of good decorations is antique china and fresh flowers. I’m going to have to tone it down a bit (even though he insists he doesn’t mind) and make everything a little more gender neutral. I’ll be pinning the crap out of everything that fits into this category until November (follow me here).

+As much as I love cuddling together, I’m really pushing for matching La-Z-Boy recliners. Joey and Chandler style. 

+Apartment/House hunting. While it is stressful, it’s always fun to imagine how we could make the place our own.

+Being able to take better care of him. I like to cook and make sure he is happy and well fed. Packed lunches, anyone?

+Did I mention I really like having him around? Not only is he fun, funny, brilliant, and oh-so-handsome, he’ll be there to kill spiders, replace lightbulbs, and most of all, make me smile. I feel so lucky.

Now tell me, what are your thoughts on shacking up before marriage?
Any advice on how to make the transition smoothly?
Any conversations we should have now, before we move in together?
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  • Oh boy, I feel like I could write a novel on this post. I’ll try to keep it brief. For my Chris and I- moving in together was great, I love being with him and no longer have to miss him all the time! That being said… it can difficult. As it is with any roommate. Finances- I’d suggest getting a joint account or credit card for things like groceries, bills, toilet paper ext! Keeps it so much easier 50/50. For messes, sounds like you two will be a match made in heaven. I’m clean, my bf is soso that = me bitching. I wish I could be messier! This isn’t the 1950s, I wouldn’t marry someone until I lived with them first. You learn A LOT about someone living under the same roof. Last thing, keep that fan going strong, and the sink, and the shower, this is one thing I’m still not fond of….

    • Am I crazy or does getting a bank account together seem like such a bigger commitment? A friend of mine did this recently and I was really surprised but as time goes on, I think it might actually be a really good idea. Thank you for stopping by and sharing!

  • My husband and I didn’t live together until after we were married. The hardest adjustments for us were dividing the chores (which we still squabble about, 4 years later!) and budgeting. I think it’s a good thing that you’re both a tad on the messy side – I’m a neat freak and my husband is … not. To put it nicely 🙂

    • I just worry we will just have a bedroom full of clothes piles. I’m a little worried about chores but mostly about the messiness level (from both of us). It’s good to know what other couples struggle with so we can prepare ourselves. Thank you!

    • YFG

      Just stumbled upon your blog from the Bloglovin’ link up (I’ll be linking up later today!) and I want you to know that my fiance and I actually DO have a room full of clothes piles! We moved in together last summer and our house has 3 bedrooms: master, guest bedroom, and office/dog kennels/treadmill room. Since we don’t have many guests, we often do our laundry and immediately put it on the guest bed to be sorted & folded. I’d say about half the time that happens relatively quickly but the rest of the time we’re heading out the door to do something so inevitably clothes (and towels) sit there. But it’s actually not terrible because we keep the door clothes (no dog hair on our clean clothes!), we don’t use that room frequently, and this way there’s less stress to get the clothes back into an already crammed master closet.

      I realize by now you’ve probably resolved this fear, but just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone!

      Love the blog!
      Cait at yourfavoritegirlfriend.blogspot.com

  • Oh my gosh I’m a professional on this topic! My bf and I moved in together after a year and a half also (that was over 4 years ago). For us, it was the perfect time. Whoever makes up those “rules” needs to chill.. you are doing whatever works for you as a couple! For finances we just split everything. No joint accounts, but do whatever works for you. I have him on one of my credit cards so we can get hotel rewards and he pays for whatever he charges but that’s about it and it works for us. I definitely suggest finding a place with enough space if possible.. we have a 2 bedroom apartment and it works perfect for us because his “guy stuff” is in the 2nd bedroom and my DVR with Real Housewives,etc is in the living room! Our first place together had no fans so that was a little weird.. that can be one of your “must-haves”! A lot of it is trial and error but you will learn so much about each other and it will likely make you stronger as a couple! Good luck 🙂

    • We are planning on doing exactly what you described, getting a 2 bedroom so he can have video games and guy stuff in there (man cave). I think thats the best solution for us. Thanks for sharing! It’s good to know how other couples manage their finances.

  • Ha I know what you mean! My boyfriend and I moved to Seattle together (from CA) and moved in together for the first time. It has taken some getting used to. You will find your own groove about finances, etc. It works for us in that I cook, he does the dishes (I HATE dishes) and he takes out the trash, cleans his bathroom, etc. We split finances but also based on how much we make. (My mom and dad had it down when they first started dating and bought a house- 20% of their income went into a “shared” bank account for household things and mortgage). It worked out pretty well. You guys will figure out what works best for you- it is different for everyone! Just agree to not argue over the little things and still make sure to have time for yourself. I like to go into our room and read and he plays video games.

    • Thank you for sharing! I had read on your blog that you moved up there together. Like me, it might be harder because most of your friends are in California (right?). Mine too. So I think that adds a whole additional element to it. Like I need to be going out and making friends so that we don’t just wind up being each others only friend. And one of my beau’s biggest worries was that I’d get upset with him for playing too many video games haha.

  • I didn’t live with my husband until after we were married but it was an adjustment! Two different people from two different backgrounds and two different ways of doing things can be challenging but totally worth it! Definitely try to find somewhere with 2 bedrooms (and 2 bathrooms… with loud fans!) that way you can both escape if you need to. We have been married for 3 1/2 years and we each have a separate bank account AND a joint account where the bills etc are paid from. Try not to stress too much moving in together is so exciting!

    • I’m really really excited. I’m hoping we could find a place with 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, as you suggested. The one bedroom doesn’t need to be too big since it won’t actually be used as a bedroom. Now I just have to wait for November to get here. Ah! That’s the hard part. Thanks for stopping by!

  • Aw that’s exciting! The boyfriend and I are definitely not at that stage yet, so I have no advice to offer. But I CAN say the fact that your pros totally outweigh the concerns really tells you all you need to know! Living with your best friend will be amazing, despite all the little changes that will be going on! xo

    http://dreamingenfrancais.blogspot.com/

    • Thanks! As far as I can tell, the pros overwhelmingly outweigh the cons. For the past year we’ve actually lived next door to each other so it’s been a nice in between. I think that helped us make sure we were ready. Thanks for stopping by!

  • As far as finances go, by boyfriend (now husband) and I paid all of the bills out of his bank account, and I wrote him a check every month for the expenses. Now that we are married, we have a joint account (which felt like a HUGE commitment at the time, and now I feel very secure about it). Since we are married, we both put in a certain percentage into our joint account (I put in a bit more since I make more) and we pay all of our bills from that. We use our personal accounts for things that must be personally monitored, like coffee dates with the girls and raiding the used movie bins at Hastings.

    You two will find what works best for you! Don’t worry too much. 🙂 Though when it comes to chores, one of you might get sick of being solely in charge of a chore, and you might get a bit fussy about chores if you don’t switch it up time to time.

    You two will be great together! I’m so excited to follow your blog and read about your journey as a couple! 😀

    • I’d never thought of one person paying all the bills and the other person reimbursing for half. That’s a great idea but I don’t think it would work too well for us. I do like the percentage into a joint account idea. We are looking in to that for sure. Thanks for stopping by!

  • Ahhh, this is SO exciting!! The one piece of advice I would suggest is to do this on your terms. Everyone will have their own tips and suggestions but you guys will find your own way. When hubs and I moved in together (the first time. Yes, FIRST. LOL) we fought often b/c I thought we were supposed to do things a certain way. And also we had diff versions of what clean was and/or what dinner should be (ramen noodles from a guy for dinner, lol!!). But then we got engaged, moved back in together and got married. The first place we lived together caused lots of arguments but those are some of the best memories I have with my (now) husband and those are priceless! I can’t wait to read more about the big move!

    • I know it will definitely be a memorable time for both of us. Thanks for stopping by!

  • We lived together part time before we got married but knew we were getting married within the years do the financial stuff was easy. Living together is good in my opinion.

  • I’ve been married 13 year but I believe any time you live with someone else there is an adjustment period. Relationships are hard work ut if you two are dedicated, you will figure it out 🙂

    • I totally agree. We’re on the same page about that, and we both know it will be hard work. Thanks for stopping by!

  • Life doesn’t always go according to “plan” and my boyfriend (now fiance) and I moved in together after 5 months (I got really, really sick, he moved in to help take care of me, so sweet). Being sick he saw me when I hadn’t showered, no makeup, and was pretty gross–and loved me anyway. Living together we got see each other at their worst moments rather than always freshly bathed, dressed up, and on their best behavior like you do when out on dates. We got to experience real life with each other and this made our relationship rock solid. As for finances, we have separate bank accounts (and I kinda wanna keep it that way, it works for us). I pay for groceries, he pays when we eat out. I pay 30% of the mortgage and all utilities and car insurance, he pays the rest of the mortgage. We take turns filling up on gas (we live in the city and have one car) and other random things. Living together can be really fun but sometimes he wants to lounge around and watch lame tv or not put his laundry away, and sometimes I’m that way too…just remember this can happen at different times so don’t nag. 🙂 Enjoy this exciting time!

    • Thanks for sharing how you and your fiance do things. It’s been so great to get feedback and see how different couples handle things. I’m going to try my hardest not to nag. Although I honestly think since we are both messy I’ll just be getting frustrated with myself also.

  • I’ll be perfect!!!! I have no doubts

    • Gracias. I don’t have doubts either since I’ve been at his house every night for the past week. Seems to be going just fine lol.

  • Yaaay! That’s so exciting! The fella and I moved in together after a year and a half of dating, a year of which was long distance, and it’s been amazing!

    We’ve worked it out so he pays rent and bills, and I buy groceries and pretty much everything else throughout the month. It ends up evening out pretty well. Now we’re checking to see if it’s really as even as we thought it would be and we’ll adjust from there. We’ve toyed with the idea of a joint account for savings, but for now we each have our own accounts, and it works just fine.

    I’m so excited for you!!!

  • Just came across this! All these things are REALLY similar to when me and my now husband moved in together – We split our chores the same way because I we both hate dishes and laundry but he can’t fold clothes!

  • My favorite part is that you said he will be there to kill spiders for you. YES! If my husband wasn’t a spider killer, I would die. I’ve contemplated asking my 1 year old to kill a spider, but I toughened up that time.

  • I found this post through your blog birthday post and my boyfriend and I are looking to move in together after the summer (dumb lease!) and I am having many of the same concerns you voiced here! I’d love to know how things are going since you’ve moved in together. You may have said something about it, but I’m a new follower and may have missed it! 🙂

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