My Limbs Feel So Heavy



Would it sound silly to tell you that my arms feel heavy? That to type seems challenging? That I am sitting in bed and my memory foam feels like it could just swallow my legs before I’d even be able to lift them? I’d like to become one with my memory foam. To melt into it and never leave. Life feels like it’s pressing down on me. I feel heavy and tired and befuddled. I’d like to stay in bed for a week and not move. I’d like to curl up with a book and distract myself for days. To nap, wake up, read, then nap again.

rain

Some other complainy, mushy, weird things:

  • It would take a great argument (or an important work meeting, I guess) to get me to wear anything other than leggings and N’s sweaters right now.
  • The only song I’ve listened to this week is Daughtry “Waiting for Superman.” All repeat. All the time.
  • My car check engine light has been on for a month. One of these days it isn’t going to start. I just know it.
  • Archie is my best friend. What would we do without him? Dogs are expensive (they actually aren’t that expensive) but they are cheaper than therapy.
  • Recent events have made it clear that you can really never tell someone you love them too often. I love N so much it feels like my heart pulls to find his when we are apart. To quote Hannah Horvath (because if you aren’t watching Girls, you need to be watching Girls) “‘I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time and thinks I’m the best person in the world and wants to have sex with only me.” Thanks for being my person, N.
  • I spent a whole day in New York City and took zero pictures. If you didn’t instagram it, blog it, or tweet about it, did it really happen? Yes, it did. And it was refreshing and beautiful.
  • The weird thing about losing someone is that you can go a few minutes, even a few hours and not remember it happened. Then suddenly you remember and you’re like, that was real life? The funeral we attended? It happened? How is it possible that we’ll never see this loved one again? It all feels like a fuzzy nightmare.
  • I think I’ve officially transitioned from extrovert to introvert. Can you grow out of being an extrovert? I can work from home all week, just me and Archie, while N works 60+ hour weeks, and not miss human interaction.
  • Tweets about The Bachelor make me hate twitter. And probably you, if you’re the one live tweeting The Bachelor.
  • Now I feel mean. If you are one of those people, just know that I have never unfollowed someone on Twitter. Who does that? Meanies.
  • I started reading Dan Brown’s Inferno and I can’t stop. I needed a read that would pull me in and make me forget life for a bit. It’s doing just that and the title absolutely does not convey that it is about overpopulation and biological terrorism. It’s so good.

Now that I’ve gotten all that weirdness out, maybe I’ll go back to being a normal human/blogger sometime very soon. Mmkay?

 

 

YOU MIGHT LIKE:
  • I call myself a recovering extrovert, so yes, I think you can grow out of extroverted tendencies…but I do think I will always be slightly more extroverted than introverted. I totally get what you mean about losing someone and it feeling like it didn’t happen but then having those moments of realization that you can’t be pinched out of a dream. It’s like a deep pit of jumbled up emotions, that feeling. I’m so sorry for your loss and pray you are able to grieve. Becoming one with your memory foam is sometimes what your soul needs.

    • I plan on becoming one with my memory foam all day saturday. And I love the expression “recovering extrovert”. I’m going to borrow that one.

  • Sorry about your loss…I read Inferno a few months ago and it was the perfect book for a distraction. I love all of Dan Brown’s books for that reason…so captivating. I think people can definitely change from being extroverts to introverts (or even vice versa) depending on where their lives take them.

    • Inferno has really sucked me in. It’s fairly new and I’ve read all his other books and you’re right, it’s been the perfect distraction.

  • Lauren Harrelson

    Some weirdness? The ideal day for me right now would be never getting out of leggings/sweaters, staying in my bed with a book. I need THAT to happen. Oh and now I’m listening to that song on repeat. Thanks 🙂

  • Take your time, and give yourself plenty of hours to sleep in that bed.

  • I am so sorry for your loss. Loss is heartbreaking, and its okay to take your time finding a new normal.

  • Sometimes our bodies go on autopilot, especially during/after a hard time. Try listening to “Easy Silence” by Dixie Chicks. It’s funny how some songs explain everything you’re feeling. You’re still in my heart, soak up any solace something brings you. Especially N.

    • Thanks for the suggestion. Me and N are hanging in there.

  • I forgot how much I love Daughtry, thanks for reviving that love.

  • I feel that introvert/extrovert business, too. I have always considered myself an extrovert, but I’m definitely learning to be with myself without craving human interaction. Which is… sad? awesome? Unsure.

    • For me, it’s great because I work from home and don’t really get lonely. I’m sure if I was stuck in my house for a month, I’d go crazy but for now, I like the quiet solitude.

  • Jockey with that “check engine” light is such a weird sensation such a high… followed by an extreme low when the car actually doesn’t work anymore

    • That extreme low is coming…I know it 🙁

  • I think it’s very possible to go from an extrovert to introvert, as I think I’m doing that myself. I am so sorry for your loss Nadine, death is heartbreaking and never gets easier. They say time heals all wounds but maybe time just makes you forget how much it hurts. Thinking about you.

  • Sending lots of love and prayers your way. x

  • I totally changed from an extrovert to an introvert. Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing people SOMETIMES but not all the time. I think it’s a product of me living on my own/alone. I just love being in my apartment, with my cats playing video games and watching YouTube videos. Also, I hate the Bachelor, Survivor and all those dumb network shows. I honestly don’t know how they still air.

    Also, I’m sorry for your loss. It’ll be 2 years this spring since I lost both my Grandmothers (exactly one month apart from each other) and I still have moments where I’m like “wait. they’re gone. Just, gone.” I’d say it gets better but sometimes it just doesn’t.

    <3

  • I’ve always been an extrovert but over time I have developed introverted tendencies. I don’t need human interaction ASAP and I need me time. I am in no way shy or anything. I just don’t always need to see people.

    I hate The Bachelor tweets, because I don’t watch the show or ever care to do so.

  • So sorry you are going through this right now. A pup makes everything better, they give lots of free hugs. I would totally love to work from home so I could live in my yoga pants.

  • I’m in love with “Waiting for Superman” as well! (Though I actually still am waiting.) It looks like you’ve found your superman…and a sidekick in Archie! 🙂

  • I needed this blog post this morning to remind myself that there are other people feeling the same way I am. I swear you jumped into my head and wrote how I’ve been feeling too. Experiencing a loss is so difficult and something I learning to understand and work through as each day passes. While I’m not going to sit here and post the same thing you did, please know you’re not the only one feeling this way! Thank you for making my morning so much better by just being yourself and sharing how you’re truly feeling.

    • Thank you for such a sweet and heartfelt comment. It’s comments like this that remind me why I blog. Sometimes it’s nice to put your feelings out there and find out that others feel the same way. We all have our ups and downs. It’s so nice to have a community to come to to feel connected.

  • A million virtual hugs to you! xx

    PS. Check your email!

  • Still sending lots of positive thoughts your way! Losing someone is the worst feeling in the world – I hate goodbyes and funerals.

    (And I also avoid Twitter on Monday nights because I don’t watch The Bachelor and don’t really care to read the play by play summaries.)

    • I’m glad someone else is over The Bachelor play by plays. Maybe I’ll nerd attack twitter on Monday nights and do play by plays of Dr. Who episodes as I watch them. That’ll teach them!

  • Loved Inferno! Dan’s books are so good!!

  • Sweaters and leggings all February long.

  • I know the feeling, and I hope that it gets easier for you. The truth is, the reality of a loss takes time to heal. Time to recover. Time to grasp and understand. As cliche as it is, it does take time, but in the interim, if you ever need someone to talk to you, please feel free to reach out. xoxo

  • I went throuh something similar about 2.5 years ago, and the best thing I did for myself was just not care one bit about what anyone thought of me during my grieving. It is so incredibly comforting to do whatever you need to do without fear of judgement. People grieve so differently, and there is no set time limit, or “right” way to grieve…I am so sorry that you are going through this, but just know that there are people out there who are thinking of you, and sending good thoughts your way!

  • I hear ya on the extroversion thing. I’m still definitely an extrovert, but since graduating college I’ve become much more introverted and socially awkward and I don’t always want to meet new people.

  • i am sending happy and loving feelings your way!

  • I feel like I’m slowly making the transition from extrovert to introvert as well, it’s funny to notice the change but it’s happening and I like it. So sorry that you’re feeling overwhelmed, I know the feeling well and sometimes you just need to sit in it and feel it, if that makes sense. Sometimes we just need time to process these things, and that’s not a bad thing at all. Sending good thoughts your way!

  • Oh I hate it when the body feels heavy and you just want to sink into bed and not move because moving takes so much energy, hope you are feeling a bit better then when you wrote this. Yes dogs are cheaper than therapy and often just as helpful.

  • It’s refreshing to see a blog post that makes the reader feel so human for having the same thoughts and feelings!! I hope you get to feeling better soon!

  • Micah

    Nadine,
    I am grieving, too. It SUCKS. Google has been a good friend in helping me feel normal. I’ve learned that you can’t put a time limit on grief and it doesn’t help to feel like you are crying too much or feeling too many emotions. If you try to rush the process, you will end up feeling waaay worse in the long run. Sometimes pulling away from others to muddle through grief is great.

    Hugs and best wishes!

  • Inferno was a great book – I really enjoyed it. I am so sorry for your loss but please let me know if you need any other book recommendations!

  • I’m sorry for your loss! Take all the time you need, we’ll all be here when you get back 🙂

  • To be distracted by a book is the greatest feeling. I just love it when you say ‘curl up with a book and distract myself for days. To nap, wake up, read, then nap again.’

    Dan Brown’s Inferno is on my reading list too this year.
    I loved reading your updates and relate to it :).

  • I was just writing a post for this week about how I become more introverted with each passing day. I don’t really know why.
    Whatever loss you’re experiencing, I hope you find the peace you need to get through it. A few days snuggling a dog could make it a bit better, perhaps.

  • I’m sorry that you are feeling this way right now. Since this post is from yesterday I hope you are feeling better now, but I definitely know what its like to want to stay in bed for a week….or longer. Also, now that I’m back in the cold weather, I plan on wearing leggings every single day.

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