I’d Be A Winner

Listen, sports aren’t my thing. If I was ever playing sports, it was P.E. class and I was well on my way to a B-. If I’m watching sports, I’m in it for the nachos. And if the boyf is watching sports, well I’m in the other room watching the Kardashians.  Like I said, they aren’t my thing.

That being said, here are some sports I would totally rock at. You know, if they were actually sports.

Costume Wearing

If I’m wearing a costume while playing Pub Golf, then does it count?

Ice Dancing

Okay, if it’s in the Olympics, then it’s a real sport. And I swear, I could have been good at it. Yes, this non-athlete started ice skating at age 3.  I still practice my moves on occasion. You know, in my living room. 

Archie gave me a 9.6. He marked 0.4 off for not giving him a treat as payment for his judging services.

Speaking on behalf of Animals

In college, we had this duck couple that hung around our house. I named them Matilda and Jeffrey (though Jeffrey had a lisp so he pronounced his name Jethry).

It’s basically my thing. 

Sailor Waving

I’ll forever be a Delta Gamma. Even if a now former DG earned the title “Most Deranged Sorority Girl in America” with an email that was unabashedly cray cray.

I only get like that if I drink Tequila, I promise.

Anchor scouting

True to Delta Gamma form. I have 847 anchors all over my house. And I’m always wearing at least one. It’s like my mind is programed to find them in any and every store. I 100% could do this competitively. 

Phone forgetting

The #1 phrase I say most often:

“I can’t find my phone.”

It’s never lost. Always misplaced. I’m not sure how this could become a sport but I know I could do it in the shortest time possible.

So you see, there are plenty of things that, if turned into a competitive sport, I would excel at. Until then, I’ll wear my costumes and sit in the stands. Thankyouverymuch.

Venus Trapped in Mars

Let it be known that I’ve never participated in #backthatazzup Friday. Until now. I’m generally not a music person, if you can believe that. But since I’m writing to you from the car on hour 1 of our road trip, I thought it was appropriate. 

I present to you, a song YOU HAVE TO HEAR to believe.

Yes friends, that is a disney/rap mashup. You’re welcome.
My job here is done.


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