Allow Me to Confess Some Things

I like real confessionals. Not like, “OMG I confess that I’m SO excited for Pumpkin Spice Lattes!” No. Just no. A confession in this sense should be something embarrassing or surprising or at the very least, interesting. Today, I’ll take a shot at a confessional…

We definitely don’t wash our bath towels enough. You’re clean when you use them, right? Sheets always take priority and then we inevitably run out of quarters. Excuses, excuses. We’re just gross.

I use expressions like “bomb.com” and “see you later alligator”  “know what I mean, jelly bean” and “okie dokie artichokie” all the time in real life. Damn, I’m cool.

Now that I work in a children’s hospital, I find it acceptable to do things that might be questionable in the professional world. Like wear a Disney princess sticker on my blazer all day. Or rave to my boss about the armadillo I just met when the zoo came to the hospital. Or walk around practically glowing because a 5-year-old told me I looked like Princess Elsa (the ultimate compliment).

Taking selfies alone is awkward. Taking selfies with dogs is normal.
Taking selfies alone is awkward. Taking selfies with dogs is normal.

I always forget about photobooth on my computer and when I opened it recently, I discovered only selfies of me and dogs (including some that aren’t mine).

I have never bought a single item at Anthropologie or West Elm. I don’t get Anthro guys, I really don’t. I went in there and I was like, what are they trying to do with this? Everything looks “vintage” but is twice as expensive as something that is new. And seriously? A $36 candle? Are you out of your effing mind?!

I’m heading to the Made in America music festival in Philly tomorrow and I don’t know what to wear to a music festival. Anything outside of either work attire or jeans and a t-shirt is right over my head. HELP.

Also, I’m not really a music person (Yes, that’s a thing. I don’t love listening to music.) so a music festival is probably the wrong place for me. File this under FOMO. All our friends are going and I didn’t want to miss out.

I sort of judge people who buy Starbucks every single day. Like 1. You spend $5 a day on a beverage and 2. That is basically a dessert. I mean, do what you want with your money (and your calories) but just one every weekday adds up to $100 a month. Seems not so brilliant to me.

I’m so distracted by my fear of flying that I can’t fully be excited about my two upcoming trips to California. I’ll be so excited once I get there. I just want to get there (alive).

Sometimes I see really cute pregnant woman and I just know I won’t be one of them. I promise you, when that time comes, I will gain so much weight in my face and it will be horrendous.

I basically don’t need to use email for work at all anymore. My work is all face-to-face. It’s AWESOME. Like, if I don’t check my work email for one day, nothing happens. Okay, I’m basically bragging at this point. Even better? I only spend about 2 hours a day in front of a computer. I think I’ve found my place in the world.

That’s all for today, folks.

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