Am I A Future Stay At Home Mom?



future stay at home mom

I never thought I would stay at home with my children. In fact, I think there were lots of times that I judged women for doing so. Didn’t they want to do more? How could they be so dependent on a man? What do they do with all of that free time? A few years ago, I got swept up into blog-land.

And just like that, my whole opinion changed.

I think the first blog I found from a stay at home Mom was Little Miss Momma. I love how Ashley is so honest about the challenges of pregnancy and parenting. She boldly shared her experiences and I’m forever grateful. Since then I’ve found so many women who I admire who are stay at home Mom’s.

I love kids. I really do. I want them. At least 3 (I say that now, when I haven’t birthed one). I see why staying at home could really benefit children. So the more time passes, the more I kind of hope that maybe being a stay at home Mom is somewhere in my future. Just for a few years. Maybe when they’re little. Or that I’d at least get the opportunity to work from home.

I recently watched Mona Lisa Smile.

If you’ve ever seen it, it does a great job of addressing the pressures on women in the early 50’s. The women are in college to get their Mrs. degrees (haven’t heard that expression? They’re husband hunting). Basically these highly intelligent and educated women wind up doing very little with their degrees. And the one liberal teacher (the always beautiful Julia Roberts) wants more for them, but also judges them for it. It’s on Netflix, and I highly recommend you give it a watch.

Sometime after that, things swung in the other direction. Women in the workplace benefitted. Were taken more seriously. Some broke the glass ceiling. It was a great thing.

But I think somewhere along the way, there became kind of a stigma about staying at home with the kids. Like it was some crazy, anit-feminist act. As if making the choice to stay home went against everything that a real woman should stand for and everything the women before you had worked for.
I didn’t know one woman in college who intended to be a stay at home mom. We never brought it up, in all the time so many of my friends and I talked about careers. It was taboo. But maybe that was just my California liberal education.

Well here it is, folks: I’d consider being a stay at home Mom. I wouldn’t be wasting my college education. Or ruining my career. I’d be making a choice.

What choice did you make? Are you a stay at home Mom?
Do you want to be one someday?

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  • I always assumed I would be a stay at home mom, but who knows. I’m hoping that being a teacher will give me the chance to have a job and be with my kids, but who knows. I’d love to be with my kids every day but I also think it’s important that they get interaction with other kids. There are benefits for both, definitely. (this coming from someone with NO kids, haha.)

  • I love being a stay at home mom! I went to college with every intention of going on to graduate school, but having a baby put that plan on the back burner for a while. Basically, I choose to stay home with my son because I know that I can give him the best care possible, and he will be safe, happy, and loved. You cannot say that for any daycare, or babysitter (unless maybe it’s family, and mine lives across the country), plus, with how expensive daycare is these days, I would really just be working to pay for it, and that would be silly. I actually started my blog as a creative outlet, and to give me something to use my brain for during the days, other than singing nursery rhymes 🙂 It’s definitely a hard job, but totally worth it!!

    Ashley
    abookwormandababy.blogspot.com

  • oh i totally want to be a stay at home mom, or at least partially…but we didn’t really account for this when buying our house. soooo probably won’t happen for me unless we’d downsize unfortunately. daycare is SO expensive though, so it might make more sense for me to stay home half the time and get a part time job to help out a little. my dream would be to own my own business and WFH as a mom. but, i’m the same way as you..i never thought i’d feel that way! i always thought i’d work, not i’m not so sure!

    • I totally hear ya! We can’t start a family right now because we also didn’t really put kids into the equation when we bought our home (funny, because we have 2 extra bedrooms…). But we could never afford daycare around here (DC metro area). We’re planning to move in a few years (more that I’d like, really) to an area that will make it easier to have one income, a house large enough for our family, and I’ll work part time. We’ll see. 🙂

      likeordinarylife.com

  • I have definitely considered it and my fiancé and I have discussed it several times. I would like to work and actually use my degree somewhat (ha!) so would definitely like to teach for a while once I graduate. However, I feel like as soon as I have little ones, I won’t want to leave them! My mom was a stay at home mom and it was detrimental to my development. I loved it. I want to have a chance to do that with my children! I am all for a strong woman working and making a difference, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with staying at home.

  • I totally related to this Nadine. When I joined the blog world, I was floored by all the amazing Stay at Home Moms I read about and their experiences in child raising. Honestly, that seems like the harder job to me now! Because of women like Kristine from The Foley Family, I know I want to try my hand at being a stay at home Mom someday and I’m happy about that. There is definitely a stigma in those who go to higher education about SAHMs though, which I think is unfair. I know my opinion has changed for the better.

  • oh man – posts like this totally make me realize that there are SO MANY BUBBLES in this world! I talked about it in my post on faith today on my blog, but it’s the same for SAHMing. you don’t truly realize that the norm you grew up with isn’t the norm everywhere till you get out there and meet other people and then it makes you question all these things and aaaaaah!

    I’d be open to being a SAHM, too, though of course who knows until you get into the situation. I have a lot of respect for my mother, who told me a few years ago that she went back to work after her maternity leave ended because, even though 100% of her salary went towards childcare, she knew she’d be a better mother if she were working full-time. I would imagine that that’s a hard thing to realize and admit.

  • I love working and staying busy, but I would ultimately love to stay at home with my children. Of course, I’ll run a preschool in my home at some point (Family Studies major with a minor in Child Development) and I still want to do hair, but I’ve always thought it would be a blast to stay home with fun little kiddos every day!

    Amberly
    http://amberlyandjoe.blogspot.com

  • I had never wanted to be a SAHM, but after having my baby, I love being home with him. I’d hate to have to put him in daycare while I’m at work. We’ll see what happens once I finish up school, though.

  • Jay

    This is such a great post and to be honest, I was similar to you. I couldn’t imagine being a stay at home Mom and I’m sure I was probably judgemental at one time or another. Now I find myself living overseas, career on hold and will most likely be this way until we decide to move back to Canada which inevitably means being a stay at home Mom when/if we have children. I’m not sure how I’ll be when the time comes but I’m much more open to the whole idea now than when I first got out of University.

  • I’m a work from home mom. I tried being a stay at home mom, but there are only so many crafts you can make. Only so much you can clean and when your child says they’re tired of playing with you…it’s a bit of a hit to the ego lol I even tried volunteering and it just wasn’t enough.

    So now I work from home while my husband is serving overseas, I volunteer constantly, and I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.

    I have a career, I have more income, I am showing my daughter that it’s never a bad thing to have a skill set and work history in case things happen and you have to be the main source of support. Some marriages last forever, some don’t. Some times people die unexpectedly, sometimes income suddenly stops. It’s easier to get a job if you have recent work experience than if you don’t.

    I have friends who do it and do it well. But I was just not fulfilled. Now I’m able to get a sense of accomplishment and pride in my work and spend time with my child.

  • Kim

    Ahhh! Thanks for writing this! This is so hard – but I’m definitely in the same boat as your first paragraph or so, which sucks. I mean, my mom stayed at home until I was a junior in high school, it’s just what happened, and I’m not sure, I just feel like as mean as it sounds, I judged her for it. It’s so hard to say what I would do in the future if and when I have kids. I gave up so much to get my degree that it’s hard to say exactly what I’d do. This is rambly. I’m sorry. But thank you for sharing all this!

  • I’ve only just opened up to the idea that I could be personally fulfilled as a stay at home mom. But with a law degree – and therefore law degree debt – it just wouldn’t be financially possible. That said, I’m glad I picked a career I think I’ll love just as much as being a stay at home mom. Unless someone whats to find me a millionaire to marry!

  • I’m so upset over the result of the feminist movement. Yes, it is great that women who have that desire to work their way up corproate ladders are now able to do so, but they have (incorrectly) assumed that that’s what all of us want. I only just realized that it’s ok to NOT want to be some hot shot marketing executive! I want more than anything to stay home with my babies and (gasp!) home-school them too! So sad that women are attacking other women for choosing that role.

  • I want to be a stay at home mom someday. The thought of putting a future child in daycare quite literally breaks my heart. Finances may or may not allow for it right away, but it is a goal of ours at some point. Even if the kids are in school, I’ll work part-time because I want to be there when they get a home. I started thinking pretty seriously about this when a very career-driven friend of mine had a baby and decided to stay home. She said, “I’ve done the dress up in business attire, go to work, show off your skills, and be important to the outside world thing. Now I have this opportunity to be his mom and this is the only chance I get and I want to do it right. I want to be there through it all.” It really opened my eyes and made me think…

  • I would love to be a stay at home Mom, but I just am not sure it’s even possible these days – I mean shit our generation is effed for retirement. Hello no social security, ever. I am not nervous about surving off one salary (that’s not hard) its the retirement and college funds I worry about most!!!!

    • Ali

      Deep thought! Thanks for coiubirttnng.

  • This post is wonderful. I struggle with this (even though I’m nowhere near ready for kids, we’re not even engaged yet!) but it’s still something to think about. My mom stayed home with my brother but not me and I was always so jealous. Because of that, I always wanted to stay home. But now that I’ll have my degree in May and I’m job hunting, I can’t help but worrying about all the progress I’ve made getting an education and great job, that I sometimes feel guilty even considering staying home. It’s such a hard decision and this post really got me thinking today so thank you for that!

  • If I’m able, I would LOVE to work from home. If not, we’ll probably have me working just for financial reasons. But I grew up being babysat by my grandparents and LOVED it so hopefully my momma will be able to leave her job and stay with my babies when the time comes. I’ve never judged a SAHM or a working mom – I don’t know their situation, so it’s not my place.

  • I definitely want to be a stay at home mom someday. I’m in school right now and will graduate soon, but want to start a family soon too. I don’t know that I’ll get to do much with my degree if that is the case but someday I know it will come in handy.

  • I always planned on being a sahm 🙂 my mom stayed at home, and so did my husband’s mom. And they were definitely judged for it at the time! But, I know that if I ever have kids, that’s what I want, and in fact, I was a stay at home wife for almost four years, even without the kiddos! I work part time now, and who knows, I may even do that when my kids are older, but for now the plan is for me to stay home 🙂 I say, do what makes you happy!

  • I have my master’s degree (graduated in December 2011), and don’t really want to use it. I haven’t since then. I would love to stay at home, and that’s what I want to do when I have children. Right now, I’m a stay at home wife, but I work from home, and I think that’s best for me. I know it may sound bad or spoiled to some, but I honestly can’t stand working for people. I hate the politics and butt kissing, which I’m not going to do. The majority of time, I felt taken advantage of and that the “supervisor” isn’t really qualified in some cases. I’m just rambling now… but I do want to be a SAHM. Nothing wrong with it!!!

  • I graduated first in my class with my master’s degree, was the youngest director in the history of my company, and NEVER thought I’d be a stay at home mom. NEVER. Now I am and I am so grateful that my family is in a financial position where I can afford to do. I too used to be judgmental too and I feel like people often judge me when I’m at event with my lawyer husband and people ask what I do. But it’s not all fun and games. I’m keeping a child alive. I’m teaching him about the world. I’m discovering what love is and what it’s like to have someone depend on me for every possible thing. It’s not easy and what used to take me an hour now takes me all day with a child. I blog and I read and I started my own jewelry business to keep me busy in things that interest me. Now I can proudly say that I’m a stay at home mom. So when people ask me “what do you *DO* all day long?”, they certainly get an earful from me.

    • I love this, Dana.

      I think that part of the stigma surrounding “stay at home moms” is the assumption that the ONLY thing they do all day is care for their children, that because they are with their children full time means that they don’t have other passions in their lives and seek personal fulfillment or “use their college degrees.” I think that’s such a sad notion, because from what I’ve seen, it’s hardly the case. It’s actually the reason I don’t even like the term “stay at home mom.” I’m 100% decided on staying home with my children and consider it to be the most important job I’ll ever do, but I also have a Masters in music and plan to teach a full schedule of piano lessons out of our home. I blog, and I write freelance articles, and do tons of reading and “self learning,” and I plan to continue that when we have children. In other words, there are SO many different ways to combine raising your children full time with your passions and goals and interests.

  • Great post! My mom was a SAHM for most of my childhood. I think that made a huge difference in my upbringing. As a teacher, I noticed that many of my most troublesome students didn’t have a SAH parent. Not to say that having working parents is a bad thing, but it helps a lot. I’m a SAHW right now and hope to be a SAHM in the future.

  • I’m trying to do both–working part time (3 days per week)

  • I recently wrote a post about this exact topic. I actually chose my current career path because there should be plenty of opportunities to work from home in the future. I really really REALLY want to be at home, at least part time, with my kids.

  • i am counting down the days until i can be a stay at home mom! i don’t like working, call me lazy or whatever, but the most important thing you can do in this life is raise children. and that’s all i want to do. and blog 🙂 i hope to be pregnant by Christmas!

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