Let me just put this out there: Mommy bloggers have prepared me more for pregnancy, birth, and children than any sex ed class ever did. I’m simultaneously grateful to them and occasionally horrified by something I learn from them. They’ve become essential to my preparation for future children and have occasionally helped me succeed at my job.
Here are a couple things I’ve learned, thanks to the mommy bloggers out there:
Get the epidural. No hesitation. Sure, natural birth and all that might be “beautiful” and “better for the baby” (Is it? I have no idea) but no freaking way is that happening.
Babies are basically accessories. Wear them. And don’t even get me started on men wearing babies. I can’t handle how much I love watching N walk the dog, let alone carrying a baby. I have never seen him hold a baby but I imagine I will die when it happens.
Babies give you a lot to blog about, but that doesn’t mean anyone wants to read about your cracked nipples. I mean, I appreciate the honesty, I really do. But can we just never use those two words together again?
Babies need a lot of stuff. Every time I see a collage by a mommy blogger of what’s in their hospital bag, I am stunned. All that just for the hospital? What’s even left at home? I really thought you needed a crib, some diapers, onesies, and something to swaddle the kid in. At least at first. But nope. Turns out, you need a boppy, breast pump, a video monitor, convertible stroller, 47 million other things, and at least three kinds of baby wraps. So you can do all the things, while your baby makes you look fashionable.
Mommy bloggers get the most free stuff. Aside from fashion bloggers, it seems mommy bloggers are raking in the freebies. If only this applied to mommy’s of golden retrievers.
Every baby topic is a polarizing issue. Co-sleeping? You can bet that the comments will swing from “best thing ever, for us and the baby” to “oh my gosh you are going to kill your child”. You’ve decided not to breast-feed? All the judgement. You want to be a stay-at-home Mom? Or you don’t? There’s someone out there to tell you that you’re making terrible choices. There’s so much “I’m right, you’re wrong” in parenting world that I think I’ll just stick my fingers in my ears and go “la la la la la can’t hear you” when the time comes.
If your baby is a girl, a headband must be on her head at all times. It’s a requirement. And while we’re at it, babygirl better be sleeping in, under, or next to a monogram of her initials. Or all three.
On that note, just expect that in 5 years or so, I’ll be wearing my baby in some baby wrap while she wears a fashionable headband, and blogging on the daily about motherhood. I’m not even ashamed to admit that you can totally count me in for the future mommy bloggers club.