This post title deserved a real F bomb but I didn’t know how well that would go over. But just know that I wanted to. Because it’s the damn truth. Some styles I can’t bring myself to wear out of the house. Somewhere along the way, a fabulous fashion blogger will convince me that I can pull one of these off. I can’t. And I shouldn’t try. Bottom line: I’d look effing ridiculous.
1. Fedora Hats
No. Just no. I live in the burbs. I am not a celebrity trying to fly under the radar while strolling through LAX. Bad hair day? Put on a regular baseball hat like a normal American, Nadine.
2. Aviator Glasses
As you can see, Kaylin wore them too. I also kept it classy by holding my red cup out of the photo. Sorority girl move.
I used to wear these. Now I’m not sure why or how. I think the key is finding the perfect size lens for your face but even then, chances are you’ll feel like a cop from Reno 911. The mirrored lenses really put them over the edge. Face. Palm.
3. Hair Turbans
I once tried to turn a scarf into a hair turban. All the bloggers were doing it and as an avid scarf collector, I figured I’d better give it a shot. I followed some Pinterest tutorial, took one look at myself in the mirror, and laughed my ass off. NOPE.
4. Sneaker wedges
I want so badly to be cool enough to wear these a la Sydney.
I have many blazers. In fact, I regularly put one on, wear it around for a few minutes, then start to feel like a kid playing dress up so I take it off. I’m 25 and I don’t feel grown up enough to wear one of these. I do it sometimes. But just know that I feel like a poser all day long. Yeah, I used used the word poser. Hey Nadine, 7th grade called and it wants its diss back.
6. Colorful Eyeshadow
What I feel like in colorful eyeshadow.
Word on the street is that blue eyeshadow makes blue eyes POP. I don’t get it. You look like a clown. I use neutral browns. Usually matte because even shimmer makes me feel way too done up for a regular Monday. I do not need a cat eye and a colorful crease to pick up a frozen pizza at the grocery store. Damn, my life is glamourous.
7. Arm Candy
My grandmother has been rocking arm candy for the last 40 years. We call her jangly and every time I see some girl wearing 50 bracelets, I think of her. You must have to get used to this because as I’ve said before, arm candy drives me nuts. How do you wear long sleeves? How do you TYPE?!
This list doesn’t even begin to touch all of the other fashion blogger trends that I just can’t do. I’m looking at you, top knot. 47 Youtube tutorials later and I still can’t do it.