10 Things I’d Like to Register For (But Won’t)

We recently received a save the date from friends of ours, which naturally had a url for their wedding website. As I have yet to finish ours (you know, other stuff kind of got in the way), I immediately hopped over and checked it out. Their adorable site (complete with a favicon of their dog!) showed that they’d registered at 4 different places.

As a woman currently planning her wedding, I immediately thought “oh [expletive]”. I have no idea what to register for. So I hard-core stalked their registries and found lots of nice things that probably should be on a registry. Then I clicked over to our registry and found 12 whole items staring back at me – including the game Bananagrams and a mat for our front door that says “HOLA”. I am clearly nailing this fiance/wedding planning thing.

Wedding Gift

Each time I’ve been asked about registering, I’ve said that I don’t know what to register for and have been told “You’re supposed to register for the nicer version of the things you already have. The stuff you’ll keep for the rest of your life.”

Listen, we have the nicest towels from Target (you know, from the line that isn’t RE). Those are the nicest towels I care to have. My butt does not need to be dried off with a $50 bath towel. It just doesn’t.

When I look at other people’s registries, I’m completely stunned. How did they know where to start? How did they know that they wanted 4 crystal vases (I don’t)?

So I’m back to square one, where I daydream about things we’d actually like to register for, but would be inappropriate. Can someone tell me again why honeymoon funds are “in bad taste”?

1. Toilet Paper Subscription Service. Why hasn’t someone invented this yet? I’d like 12 new rolls to appear on my doorstep every two weeks for a year. Yes, I know Amazon does this but it’s on a monthly basis and we have nowhere to store that much TP in our itty bitty apartment. Plus, nothing says “congratulations on your marriage” like the reality check that you both have to wipe your asses and argue over who bought TP last for the rest of your lives.

2. All the books I’ve been meaning to read. You know what would be good for our marriage? Giving me something to do while N hogs the TV by playing video games.

3. The really good dog treats. Because nothing makes us happy like making Archie happy.

4. Tickets to upcoming events. Doesn’t it seem like concert tickets would be a really cool gift? We already have silverware and super high-end Ikea plates (lol the $12.99 set) so what do we actually need? We want to do cool stuff together. To enjoy each other’s company.

5. Rollerblades. I have been pushing for these so hard. N is not on board but I’m telling you, the second he says yes, I’m putting them on the registry and not even feeling bad about it for one second. And hey, if someone wants to throw in a matching scrunchi for me to wear while I rollerblade, I wouldn’t hate it.

6. A super nice fake Christmas tree. Because…CHRISTMAS.

7. Archie’s little brother. Hey…who added that? It was Archie, I swear.

8. Rosetta Stone. If we can’t register for a honeyfund, at least we’ll be able to speak the language by the time we get to Italy…right?

9. Scissors. We don’t have a pair in our house. I don’t know how this happened. On that note, we don’t have a microwave either.

10. Super-Soakers. And I’m not talking the little baby water guns. We want the big ones. Like how about this crossbow one. You can soak your opponent from 38 feet away! Maybe this will just be an investment we make this summer instead. I don’t think I can wait until the wedding.

All this is to say that I’m not really sure what we are supposed to register for, since we’ve lived together for nearly 3 years and generally aren’t super fancy people.

I’d love some help paying for the honeymoon. I’d love a fund for a down-payment on a house. Heck, I’d really like to just have a really cushy savings account.

I get that these aren’t appropriate things to ask for, so I won’t. And we’ll be truly grateful for any gifts we do receive. I promise I’m not a total brat, I’m just confused about how modern wedding etiquette hasn’t really caught up with modern relationships.

Any advice?

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